Crumpled Up Promises
by Lizzie9
Summary: Set during and after the Code Black incident. Meredith is badly hurt by the explosion, and in the midst of her fight for life, Derek has to choose to uncrumple the promises she threw back at him, or to leave them with bomb debris and return to New York.
1. Prologue

Title: Crumpled Up Promises

Authors: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, sex, you know.

Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly.

Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again.

Author's Note: Prologue is short. Reviews will get you longer chapters. So, review?

Addison was fawning over him. Touching his face, his hair, kissing him. He was confused, because he hadn't done anything to prompt it. He didn't want it. She wasn't the one he wanted to be kissed by on the surgical floor.

But she was kissing him. And he couldn't determine her motive because no one else was around. "I can't wait to get you home tonight." She said, in a voice that was above a whisper, a voice that could easily be heard by someone standing, say, five feet away.

When she sidled off, a smug smile on her face, Derek saw Meredith, five feet away, staring. She met his eyes, shook her head, turned on her heel and walked away.

He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, desperate to find something that would make it better. He felt like screaming 'I don't love her.'

"Meredith." He said, turning her around to face him.

"What?" she asks, in a voice he knows is her, fighting back tears.

"I'm sorry she did that." He told her. "Are you okay?"

She was about to tell him she was fine, just fine, thank you and stalk away angrily. But her angry resolve faded too quickly, leaving her feeling hopeless. And very alone. "No." she says. "I'm not okay. I'm not close to okay, and you and your wife acting out love scenes in front of me makes me the opposite of okay!"

"This isn't easy for me either, Meredith."

"Really? Because it looked easy!"

"Well I hear you're pretty easy every night at Joe's!" he yelled at her.

She sighed, because she didn't have it in her to get angry and fight with him. "So that's what you want? You want me to sit around and be miserable because I love you, but I can't have you?"

She smiled sadly at him. "Well you got your wish, Derek."

He stared at her retreating back, wanting to tell her that he loved her too. But Meredith just kept walking away from him. She tried to erase the visual of Derek, her Derek, being all cute and cuddly with Addison, but it just replayed over and over in her mind's eye.

She sighed again. "I knew I should have stayed home today." She muttered to herself. After all, she had a feeling.

Author's Note Part Deux: Click the button. Review. Also, check out 'One Hell Of A Racket', 'The Best Laid Plans', 'Keeping The Faith' and 'A Tale Of Two Cities', all also by us. And keep your eyes open for 'Forever And A Day', coming soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Crumpled Up Promises**

**Authors: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, sex, you know. **

**Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly. **

**Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again. **

**Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept. **

**This chapter is sort of filler. We're setting the scene for Derek finding it's Meredith (our style), Derek bursting into Burke's OR, Meredith's injury and the drama to follow.**

**REVIEW. **

"You're sure they said Code Black?" Derek asked. Cristina nodded. Derek heard himself giving everyone a chance to leave. It was a code black situation. Bailey's husband's brain was exposed in his O.R. Now was not the time to be focusing on the fact he called Meredith a slut.

Or practically did. Right. Not focusing on Meredith. Code black. Bailey's husband. But he'd practically called her a slut. And what he wanted to say to her was so far from that. And what she had seen, with Addison, he never wanted her to see anything like that.

But it would be so much easier if he could just get inside Meredith's head. Find out what she was thinking….

* * *

Addison saw a girl fly by, everything about her screaming panic. She was wearing a paramedic's uniform. "Wait a minute." She said to Richard. "Isn't that the girl with the bomb?"

"Hannah." Dr. Webber confirmed, nodding, dazed from all the phone calls, bomb squad members, and chaos that had ascended on his hospital. "Oh." He said suddenly. He looked at Addison. "Page Burke. Now."

Addison was holding a phone to her ear talking to Dr. Yang. "You saw her?"

"Dr. Yang, I already said I saw her. What the hell is going on in the OR?"

"Um, Meredith. She put her hand on the bomb."

"Oh."

Cristina nodded muttered something else and then hung up the phone. Burke came over to her. "I need you to go back and help with Bailey's husband."

"But Meredith..."

"Will not react any differently with or without you here."

"Preston." She said, this becoming a rare occasion that she actually used his first name.

"Cristina, I can't think with you in here." He told her. "Go somewhere safe."

"I need to do something." She stressed. He smiled at her.

"Keep this off Shepherd's radar while Bailey's husband is in his OR." He said. "Then go to the lobby, wait with the rest of the interns and the chief."

Cristina even cracked a smile at that. Burke kissed her forehead tenderly, and she left the room, hoping it wasn't the last time she ever saw him.

She couldn't just go sit and wait with George and Izzie and Addison, because they would worry and whisper and look at her sympathetically and that would drive her insane. So she walked back into Shepherd's OR.

It was probably stupid. It was definitely stupid. But she was Cristina. She wasn't going to be a surgeon to sit around and be on the receiving end of sympathetic looks. She hadn't risked her control for Burke to sit down there with Addison Shepherd and wonder if she would ever see him again. She just didn't work that way.

* * *

Addison was sitting tensely downstairs, on one hand relieved that Bailey's baby was going to be okay. On the other hand, she felt sick, because she didn't know if she would ever see Derek again.

Was this some sort of retribution for this morning? When she had flirted with him, because she knew Meredith was watching. It was bitchy, and immature and out of character for her but, Jesus. There were only so many stolen glances she could witness before she started to lose it.

She wrung her hands together, choosing not to think about Meredith. Because, really, if this woman hadn't so effectively captured her husband's heart, they might have been friends, and she didn't want Meredith to blow up either.

Her attention was drawn to a commotion a few feet away.

"We should tell her."

"Alex, we can't tell her. She's McWife."

"She's also the McSurgeon that can calm down the McChief."

"So what? You want to betray Meredith now that she's got her hand on a bomb? We can't just go to McWife."

Addison got up. "You didn't Stevens. McWife came to you. What's going on?" She expected Izzie to blush, but all she got were two steely glares. She presumed Meredith had told them about this morning.

"The chief just had an anxiety attack." Izzie said, walking away. Addison eyed Alex, who nodded at her.

"He's in room 2449."

"They call me McWife?" She asked him.

He gave her that look. That you're the reason Meredith Grey is such a train wreck look. "On good days." He said. "You're McWife on good days."

Addison bit her lip. Was she the reason Meredith Grey couldn't be saved from herself? Would things have been fine, with Dr. Shepherd and the lusty intern if she had just gone back to New York?

* * *

Cristina entered Derek's OR. "Dr. Yang." He said. "How's it going over there?"

She smiled weakly. "Oh, you know."

"No I don't know. That's why I asked."

"They're just waiting for Dylan, the bomb squad guy to get back. Plans, and that."

Derek looked at her strangely, and then returned his gaze to Tucker Jones' brain. "Dr. Yang." He said again. "This morning, I said something, to Dr. Grey…."

"You mean how you called her a whore?"

"I didn't-"

"You might as well have." She looked at Derek. "You should really focus on Bailey's husband. But if she ever has to see you and Addison like that again…."

Derek didn't want to know how she would finish that sentence, and he didn't have to because she left the OR.

Burke sauntered in, next, appearing on the surface to be cool as ever. "Dr. Shepherd." He said.

"Ahh, Dr. Burke." Derek replied. "How are things over there?"

"They should be fine."

"How's Tucker?"

"If he doesn't die on the table, he should be fine."

"I always admired your optimism."

Derek chuckled. "Good luck over there, Dr. Burke. If you'll excuse me, I really don't want to be the guy who kills Bailey's husband."

Burke nodded. "Good luck in here. I hope you will excuse me, because I don't want to be the guy who kills us all." He left, but then stuck his head back in the door. "Shepherd, I heard what you said to Grey this morning." Burke smirked at him. "Not very smooth."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Crumpled Up Promises**

**Authors: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, sex, you know. **

**Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly. **

**Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again. **

**Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept. **

**Originally, we didnt intend for Derek to have his little upcoming revelation, but those of few who have read out fics know how we ship, and probably assumed this was coming soon anyway. And we're really particularly proud of the last Addison sequence. I think this is how she felt for a long time.**

** All we can say is enjoy. Review. And love.**

**REVIEW. **

Addison sat in Richard's room with him and Adele, a look of undeniable satisfaction on her face. This young, wide eyed girl, this girl with her hand on a bomb. What was it about this girl?

What was it about her that made her husband's eyes darken with desire, that broke his smile, that made him love this girl? What was it about this girl that made Richard fear her fate more than anyone else's?

As far as Addison could see, she was just a girl.

Richard Webber lay in a bed, surrounded by silence. His wife was there, and Addison, but it was silent. Meredith had a bomb in her hand. The hand that had wrapped its tiny fingers around his own as he held Ellis' baby girl in the gallery.

That same hand was now washed, gloved and holding a ticking bomb.

Adele sat in the room, watching Addison cast nervous glances at her husband and absent mindedly chewed a thumbnail. Richard said that Meredith Grey had her hand on the bomb.

Adele shook her head. When Richard had been seeing Ellis, he used to look at her with guilt flooding his eyes. It was a look so poignant; it broke her heart every time. A look that was filled with guilt, and love and regret.

Now, Adele's heart was breaking for a different reason. It was breaking for Addison, because Derek had stopped looking her way all together.

* * *

She was thinking about how flippantly people say they would kill for things. How nonchalant they were about it. Herself included. _I'd kill to for that surgery. I'd kill to be back with Derek_. Only now, she could die.

At any minute, she could burst into a cloud of torn flesh and blood, cover the OR with her insides and be gone. And the thing was, what would she leave behind? Sure, Cristina and Izzie and George would remember her. Throw flowers on her tombstone every year or so.

But her mother wasn't going to remember. And the person she wanted to remember more than anyone, he would forget too. He would be sad for awhile. He'd be at the funeral, maybe he'd cry a little bit, but he'd settle with Addison. They'd probably leave Seattle and after enough time passed, he would stop looking back.

She'd had a feeling. And Addison had her McLife. She looked at Burke. "Dr. Burke?" She asked, quietly, her voice shaking.

"Yes, Dr. Grey?"

"When Dylan gets back, will you make sure that we, um, that we don't do anything until Derek…" she stopped, willed the tears out of her eyes and tried to keep some level of composure. "I won't do anything until Dr. Shepherd has vacated his OR."

Burke looked at her for a long time. She was still green, still young. She wasn't hard yet, and he was surprised to find that neither was he. He wasn't the cold, hard surgeon he'd thought he was. He looked her in the eyes. "Dr. Grey, no one is going to die."

She looked back at him, and saw Preston Burke, the man, the person. She wanted to believe him.

* * *

Relief. It was a sensation not uncommon to doctors. You save a life, and you're relieved. All the relief in the world didn't compare to saving Miranda Bailey's husband. He watched the scrub nurses close him up, and took a moment to savor the relief.

Cristina entered the room. "You're finished."

"He's going to be fine." Derek said, his voice flooded with that old emotion. "How are things over there?"

Cristina's eyes darted everywhere but his face. She hated this guy, right? _He's the reason your best friend is a shell of a person_. She didn't care if he suffered. But something in her made her hesitate. "You know Burke. Confident as always."

Her eyes. That was the part of Dr. Yang's typically hard as nails, composed, eager demeanor that was throwing him off. Her eyes. The feeling was making him uneasy in a way he couldn't really define. It was pulling at something in his gut.

"And the girl with the bomb?"

Cristina bit her lip so hard she tasted metallic blood in her mouth. "Dr. Yang, the girl with the bomb?"

Derek watched her lips twitch and her mouth open and close several times, and he knew what she was going to say in that miniscule fraction of a second before she actually said it.

"It's Meredith."

It was like he had been sleeping for most of his life, and was finally waking up again. There was no fear, none of the heart clenching, all consuming terror he should have felt. Just an overwhelming sense of clarity.

It was like waking up. "I love her." He said. The room stopped moving. Cristina stared at him, the scrub nurses all stopped making motion, because motion would create noise, and this, oh, this bombshell was something they wanted to hear.

Derek smiled, feeling calm, peaceful and whole since that night he had seen his own hell walk into the hospital on four inch heels. "I'm leaving Addison." He whispered to himself. "I love Meredith, I'm leaving Addison."

He walked out of the OR, and Cristina followed him. "Um, are you on something?" she asked. "Cause she's got her hand on the bomb." Derek just stood there, looking dazed.

"Did you mean that?" Cristina asked.

"I really do." Derek said, shedding his scrub clothes and running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe I've wasted all this time."

Cristina wanted to say something rational. Tell him it wasn't going to be that easy. Meredith was broken now. She was scattered all over every place she'd ever laid eyes on in the company of Derek. She was in bits and pieces. But it sounded so perfect, so raw and so utterly real; she didn't have in her to ruin it with reason.

* * *

Heart clenching, all consuming terror. It was eating away at her. At both of them, really. Meredith was fighting the instinct of her hand to shake with fear. Dylan was saying something about evacuating.

She heard her own voice, she was talking about explosions and being glass half empty, and the next thing she knew, she was walking. Walking with a stupid man on a stretcher and her hand on ammunition.

_Is this all my life will be?_ Dartmouth. Med school. Finding and losing the love of her life. Ugh. _Love of my life. _She tried to deny it, but she figured at this point, why bother? She could die at any minute, maybe now was the time to be honest.

She heard Dylan saying things, things that were supposed to be threatening, so she looked up, and when she did, she saw Cristina and it snapped her out of her numbness.

"Cristina?" she said. "I had a feeling. And now I might turn out to be right, and maybe this is a pathetic last confession, but Derek? He's the one. The _one_. As in only one. For me. Ever. If, um, if I had a feeling, and it was the right feeling, will you tell him that?"

Cristina nodded. Two sets of huge eyes locked into each other and it hit Cristina. Best friend. Bomb. Feeling. She was scared. "Tell me something." Meredith urged.

Cristina nodded. "I told McDreamy. You know, that you're here. With the bomb."

"What'd he say?"

"I love her."

"Seriously?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Would I lie to you now, of all times? Oh, and Burke said he loved me."

"Seriously?"

"No, I'm lying to you. I'm making up vicious, untrue lies. Of course I'm serious. Oh, and Izzie called Addison McWife to her face." Cristina held up her hand. "Yes, seriously."

Cristina could only stand back and watch as they wheeled the stretcher through the doors of the OR. Burke was already inside, waiting for them. He looked at Meredith again, testing her, trying to gauge her strength, see if she could really do this.

This time, there was a new spark, some sort of determination in her eyes that had been missing before. He nodded at her, and starting preparing the patient. They were going to get through this.

* * *

Her left thumbnail was bleeding. She watched as the redness seeped into the lines of her finger, and just sat there, covering her Chanel nail polish. Addison had bit that thumbnail for too long. Now it bled. She raised it to her lips again, tasting the metallic taste.

A sudden hush came over the nurses' station and all the activity that had been in full swing just stopped. She looked up at the elevator, and saw her husband standing there, a hero in navy blue scrubs.

She got up, and ran to him, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him tightly, as if feeling him take up space between her arms would convince her that he was okay.

"Derek, thank God." She whispered in his ear. She felt his strong hands pulling her arms down from him.

"I have something to take care of. I'll be back." He told her. And as he walked away from her, towards the still waiting elevator, she could see a tiny spot on his right shoulder blade that was darker than the rest of his scrubs. Her blood.

And in that moment, she knew. It was over, for good this time. For better or for worse no more. He was bowing out, and now he could do it gracefully because he had tried.

She was like the stain she had left on his scrubs. No more than a tiny spot on his back. Her thumbnail hadn't reached the front of him. There was no mark of her in his future.

* * *

Burke looked up first. He felt another presence in his OR. He was the first to see Derek, standing in the door way, looking rumpled and rugged, as usual. His fiery blue eyes were locked on Meredith.

"You can't be here." Burke told him. Meredith's gray eyes looked up and immediately found his.

"Derek." She breathed.

**Forever And A Day. One Hell Of A Racket. Keeping The Faith. The Best Laid Plans. A Tale Of Two Cities. **

**Check them out.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Crumpled Up Promises**

**Authors: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, sex, you know. **

**Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly. **

**Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again. **

**Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept. **

**We hope you like this. We don't know if we do. The point is there will be surgery drama. Addek Drama. Addison confronted by Cristina drama. Lots o' drama in this fic's future.**

**REVIEW. **

_"She knew all the words that I never had said, she knew the crumpled up promise of this broken down man." - Matchbox Twenty_

Meredith swallowed hard. "You should go." She told him. "You should get really far away."

Derek looked at her from the OR door. He wanted to run to her, throw his arms around her, and hold her tight. He wanted to kiss her, to taste her. Hell, he wanted to put his own hand on that bomb. Fighting all of these urges, he stood there, struggling to string together what he wanted to say.

Meredith felt transfixed by him, standing there in the doorway, the fluorescent light from the hallway flooding in around him. He looked like a savior, a messiah.

"Meredith." He said, her name rolling off his tongue like honey. She stared into his eyes, showing him the pain, the loss and the all consuming fear. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded, mustering up all the strength she had to give him a small smiled. He crossed the room, toward her, and Dylan tried to stop him, before he got too close to the table, but Derek gave him liquid death in the form of a look.

He reached out across the table, extending his hand to her. She reached back for him with the trembling hand that wasn't holding a bomb. He intertwined their fingers, and held her gaze. "Meredith, you knew, didn't you?" he asked, desperation creeping into his voice.

She gazed at him, blinking back a lone tear. He squeezed her hand. "Tell me that you knew, all the times I should have told you how much I…" he trailed off and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I should have told you every day how much I love you, Meredith. It was never Addison, it was always you. You had to know that."

She nodded, tears flowing freely now. "I know." She said. "Derek, I could die in here." She murmured. "And if that happens-"

He cut her off. "No. You're not going to die, Meredith, you're going to get through this, because you have to. Because we're _supposed_ to be together."

"Derek, if that happens, you're it for me, okay? You're the one. You're the only one I can ever….I love you."

Burke felt that the moment was too intimate for himself and Dylan to witness, but neither Meredith nor Derek seemed to notice they were still in the room.

"You will be fine." Derek said, speaking slowly and deliberately. "I'll stay with you. I'll hold your hand if you want me to."

She shook her head. "You can't." she whispered.

He squeezed her hand and stroked it with his thumb. "You can do this. You have to do this." She dropped her gaze from his eyes to their joined hands. When she looked back up at him her eyes were begging him to say it.

With a final squeeze, he let go of her hand and backed to the door. She held his gaze, begging him silently with her eyes to give her a reason to live through this. As he backed toward the OR door, he was faced with the damning decision to say it now or lose her forever.

Just before he left, it fell from his lips like water down a waterfall, tumbling out the like the confession of a broken and guilty man. "I love you." He said, loud and clear. The door shut, and she looked at Dylan.

"Let's take out the bomb."

* * *

"All right, Meredith, on the count of three." She barely heard him as he counted. All she could hear was Derek saying he loved her as she pulled her hand out of the body, trying her hardest to control its shaking. She handed it to Dylan, and watched as he disappeared through the same doors Derek had exited from a few minutes ago. 

She looked at Burke who was already busy with the patient, so she followed Dylan out into the hallway. She wanted to make that sure that Derek wasn't in the hallway. She looked at Dylan, and her mind just had time to register the explosion before everything went black.

When the bomb squad's back up team arrived on the scene, less than one minute after they heard the explosion, they didn't find any trace of Dylan, or his partner. All they found was Meredith Grey, lying in a pool of blood, decidedly unconsciously.

* * *

"Chief!" one of the nurses called as she strode onto the surgical floor. "We've got head trauma. Burke and the interns are bringing the gurney down." 

"Page Shepherd." Richard said, watching as Burke, George and Cristina wheeled a stretcher in what he had turned into a makeshift OR.

"Dr. Webber." Cristina said, shooting a meaningful look at Burke. Webber ignored her.

"Chief." Burke said, putting all the authority he could muster into his voice. Their chief, who was on the phone and trying to sign a form at the same time, held up his hand. "Chief, I really think you want to…" Burke tried again. The chief silenced him with a scalding look.

Adele, who was watching the scene unfold with Addison from a few feet away, sensed the urgency. "Richard!" she barked.

He hung up the phone and glared at all of them. "What the hell is so important?"

Adele raised her eyebrows. "I think you'll want to hear what your interns and DR. Burke have been trying to tell you." His wife told him, gesturing to George.

"Meredith." George blurted.

Webber rolled his eyes. "Dr. Grey is fine."

"No!" George and Cristina said at the same time. Cristina waved her hands at the chief. "That's what we're trying to tell you. Head trauma? Getting prepped for surgery? That's Meredith!"

Recognition dawned on Dr. Webber. "Do not page Shepherd!" he shouted.

"And why not?" Derek asked, sauntering in.

"It's not your area." Richard told him. Derek frowned.

"The page said obvious head trauma. I believe that would be my area."

"We were mistaken." Dr. Webber told him.

"Mistaken?" Derek echoed dubiously as Izzie and Alex joined Cristina and George. "The head trauma disappeared? There was trauma five minutes ago and now it's gone?"

"Derek, just drop this." The chief said. Derek looked around, counting interns and surveying the people who were gathered in the hallway. Addison smiled at him and ignored her.

"Where is she?" he asked. No one looked at him. "Where is she?" he demanded, louder this time.

Richard sighed. "Getting prepped for surgery. The blast knocked her back, and she sustained head trauma from the fall and debris. She also got hit by some debris in the stomach. She lost a lot of blood."

Derek closed his eyes. "How bad is it?"

"Derek…" Addison said, coming toward him.

"How bad is it?" he shouted.

"She's got blood polling in her cerebral cortex. And no, you are not operating. Do you understand?"

"No." Derek said.

"No, what?" Webber challenged. "I gave you an order, you follow it. You're too personally involved to operate on her."

"I'm too personally involved not to operate. Richard, every life I've saved… I'd trade them all for this. This is the one. This is that case. This is the only life I want to save."

The chief was about to say something, but was cut off by his phone ringing again. "Police." He muttered. "Derek, do not move."

Cristina looked at Derek and Burke. "So what do we do now?"

"You heard Richard. He won't let me do the damn surgery." Derek said, wringing his hands together. Addison closed her eyes, knowing what this was all adding up to mean.

Izzie stared at him. "And you're listening? You're just going to sit here?"

Cristina snorted. "You've practically killed her anyway. Why quit now?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that she's a train wreck, Dr. Shepherd, and it's not any of our faults."

George nodded. "She loves you. She loved you so much it kills her. She loves you too much to drag you down with her, so she's just destroying herself."

Derek closed his eyes. "She told me. I, I went to the OR to see her." Something in the back of brain was telling him not to admit this in front of Addison, but he couldn't seem to stop talking. "I told her how I felt about her…" he trailed off, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed the phone from Richard's ear and slammed it down onto the counter so hard the screen cracked.

"I will operate." He said. "I'm scrubbing right now. Accept it or fire me." He challenged, daring Richard to tell him no.

"I'll assist Derek." Burke said.

Derek nodded. "Thank you Preston." He said softly.

"As will I." The chief said.

"We're going to need one of them." He said, gesturing to the interns. "Steven is a mess, Yang's exhausted. Karev?"

Burke shook his head. "We need the heart." He murmured. "O'Malley." He called. "Let's go." George just nodded, and the four of them disappeared, heading for the OR.

**Forever And A Day. One Hell Of A Racket. Keeping The Faith. The Best Laid Plans. A Tale Of Two Cities. **

**Check them out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Crumpled Up Promises**

**Authors: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, sex, you know. **

**Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly. **

**Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again. **

**Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept. **

**We hope you like this. We sort of took what happened with Bailey's husband and turned it into MerDer surgery angst. Next chapter more drama and waking up. We're also going to continue with season two, following the episode order, but changing things to meet our plot. **

**REVIEW. **

"_Now only the good die young, and it stops me in my tracks." – Kenny Chesney_

It struck Derek as somewhat ironic that he had started the day desperate to get inside Meredith's head, and now he was, quite literally inside her head.

He was tense and nervous, but the surgery was proceeding flawlessly. The chief, Burke and George had taken care of all the other bleeding, and were now just simply assisting him.

He was grateful for their presence. It kept him strong, kept him on target, kept him moving towards the moment when she would wake up.

"O'Malley, suction, please." He said. That's what he said when the world suddenly came to a grinding halt, and stopped moving, stopped spinning. It might as well have fallen off of it's axis.

Derek couldn't hear his own thoughts anymore. Just the awful sound of a flat line.

In the gallery above the O.R, Adele, Addison, Izzie, Alex and Cristina watched. Izzie buried her head in Alex's shoulder as they heard the flat line through the glass. Derek glanced up, towards the gallery, looking helpless.

"Push epi!" He shouted. Burke was holding the paddles. Three charges later, that monotonous tone still rang through the O.R.

Cristina reached out, and in a gesture no one thought they would see, gripped Izzie's and, and squeezed like her life depended on it.

"Charge again." Derek said. Burke hesitated. "Preston, charge again!"

Nothing. Ignoring everything he knew about protocol and procedure, Derek ripped off his mask and started CPR.

"Damn it, Meredith, you are not going to die on me," he told her, compressing her chest. After what felt like years, the sound stopped, and turned back into short staccato beeps as her blood pressure rose.

It was enough to literally, bring Derek Shepherd to his knees. He dropped onto them, right there in the O.R. Everything was still. Not one of the other doctors or scrub nurses moved a muscle. In the gallery, it didn't seem like anyone was breathing.

When Addison dared to look into the O.R. once again, Derek over the table, holding an instrument, but he had tears running down his cheeks. Actual tears. She took off her wedding ring, and placed in her pocket. It was over.

When Derek left the O.R an hour later, he was drained. The surgery was successful. Almost. There was still the small issue of her waking up. He dragged himself down the hallway, into Meredith's room.

He slumped down in the chair next to her bed, and stared.

Addison watched this. She watched Derek trudge through the hall, obviously exhausted, but obviously on a mission to get somewhere. As if anyone didn't know where. She watched as he went into her room, and just sat there.

She stood in the hallway, watching the door of Meredith's room, promising herself that she would not cry.

"I admire you, you know." Came a voice from her side. She turned her head. Cristina Yang.

"What?" she asked, wiping her eyes.

"You're not doing what I thought you'd be doing."

"And what's that, Dr. Yang?"

"Trying your damnedest to keep him away from her."

Addison sighed. "I think it's been made very clear that no one can do that."

"I thought I'd hate you in this moment." Cristina said. "But I admire you."

Addison turned and looked at her. This young woman, whose best friend was lying in there, with a recovery that looked improbable at best, and here she was, saying this to her, despite all of her loyalty.

"Thank you." Addison whispered. "If you go in there, would you tell Derek, I'd like to talk to him, later?"

Cristina shrugged. "Go tell him yourself. No one's going to like, bite your head off or whatever." She said, entering the room. She nodded at Addison who also came in.

She hovered by the door, and coughed to get her husband's attention. "How's she doing?" she asked when Derek looked back at her. She was struck by how awful he looked.

"The same." He said flatly.

"Derek, I'm so sorry." She said. "I just wanted to tell you that when she wakes up, I want to go to the lawyers."

Derek stared at her. Addison smiled weakly at him. "You don't have to try anymore." She said, leaving the room.

Derek looked up at Cristina with a bewildered stare. Cristina stared back at him. His eyes were red, and ringed with dark circles. His hair was wild from being under a surgical cap. He looked fragile. She smiled softly and gripped his shoulder.

"She's going to be okay, Dr. Shepherd. She's going to make it." Cristina comforted him the way Meredith comforted the families of patients. Only she didn't believe what she was saying.

Cristina left the room half an hour later, knowing that her friend was in good hands. When she walked out into the hall, Burke was waiting for her.

He didn't say anything, he just held out his arms and she practically fell into them. Burke held her in a state of horrified amazement when he realized she was crying. Not huge, shaking sobs, just a few silent tears sliding down her porcelain cheeks.

"Cristina," he said, twisting one hand into her hair. "She can get through this."

"You know where I went this morning?" Cristina asked, pulling back to look him in the eye. "My thing? It was Meredith. She wasn't going to come to work. She had a feeling that she could die today."

Burke put his hands on her forearms and forced her to look at him. "Listen to me, Cristina. I was in there, in the O.R. That was the best I have ever seen Shepherd operate. She is _not_ going to die."

"She should have died." Cristina blurted out. "When she flat lined. That was a long time."

"She is not going to die today." Burke said again, pulling her back to his chest. "Just have a little faith, Cristina."

Derek's eyes opened to sun streaming in the window of the hospital room. He remembered where he was. Meredith. Bomb. Surgery.

He sat up ramrod straight and looked at her, still the same as she was yesterday. He got up and retrieved her chart from the door. Nope, no change at all. Fear seized his heart and clenched it. Coma patients who didn't wake up after seventy two hours usually never did.

He didn't know where to go, what to do. He didn't want to feel the fear anymore. He left the room with a notion of getting a cup of coffee, and was irritated to see that his wife had the same notion.

"Derek." She said. "How's she doing?"

"No change." He grunted.

Addison made a sympathetic little face that he hated. "Derek, when ever you're ready, I mean it. We'll go get papers drawn up."

He turned on her, having found a target onto which he could channel his growing rage. "Look, Addison, forgive me if I'm a little preoccupied right now."

She frowned. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd be happy to hear that." She said, letting a little bitterness creep into her voice.

"Believe me, I am." Derek snapped. "I just don't have the patience to discuss logistics of this divorce now that I finally suits you."

"Don't take this out on me, Derek!"

"Well I wouldn't have had to waste all this time with her if you would have just gone back to New York!" he all but shouted at her.

Her face reddened, and then drained. She nodded. "And I'm sorry for that. Really. But I'm not the reason she's in that bed."

She had the good sense to walk away from him. As he stood there, filling his coffee cup, he realized that now he had no anger left. He was alone with fear.

**Forever And A Day. One Hell Of A Racket. Keeping The Faith. The Best Laid Plans. A Tale Of Two Cities. **

**Check them out.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Crumpled Up Promises**

**Authors: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, sex, you know. **

**Disclaimer: We happen to own our personal anatomies, not Grey's. Or Patrick Dempsey's. Sadly. **

**Summary: An alternate take on the Code Black incident. Meredith is seriously hurt by the explosion, and Derek has to make his choice all over again. **

**Author's Note: We are differing from the plot lines, and dialogue in the show. We've added much and changed a lot but you will recognize the occasional line or two that we kept. **

**We hope you like this. It took a long time to do this chapter justice, but as we re read the story, we realized it's kind of good. And we like it. So we wanted to make it good before we turn to shameless fluff. ****REVIEW. **

_You were the song all along, a__nd before the song dies,  
__I should tell you, I have always l__oved you._

_-Rent_

Derek was still reeling from the audacity of Addison when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Burke." He said, turning around to face his colleague.

"Shep…" Burke started.

Derek looked at him strangely. "Shep?" he echoed. "Yesterday you couldn't call me by my first name, now we're on nicknames?"

He waited for Burke to respond. He needed something, anything, to keep his mind off of the fact that Meredith might be gone forever. He noticed, for the first time, Burke's face.

"What is it?"

"Derek, there's a severe infection attacking her system. We've moved her from recovery to ICU, and started antibiotics, but she might not…." Burke broke off. "It doesn't look good."

Derek turned on his heel and started running. His legs pounded on the tile floor, and he didn't slow down at all until he reached ICU. Once again, he sat next to her bed. He grasped her closest hand in two of his.

It was funny. Derek Shepherd was a doctor. He believed in science. His convictions and ideologies were not to Gods or churches, but to scalpels and brain spheres. But now, he was praying. He bowed his head over than hand that clutched one of Meredith's and prayed.

He didn't know what exactly was up in the Heavens, but he was begging it to save her. The sheer pain of seeing her lying there brought fresh tears to his eyes. So Derek Shepherd did the only thing he could think to do. He sat, held her hand and prayed.

It was a sign of sorts, what love will do to you. If you had told him, a year ago, maybe two, that he would be here today, completely consumed by love for this intern, he would have laughed at you.

He never would have believed that this woman could have him praying to a God he wasn't sure he believed in, ready to sacrifice anything for her to be okay.

* * *

Somewhere, wherever somewhere was, Meredith Grey saw blackness. She didn't know what was happening to her or why, all she remembered was the blast of the bomb. But she felt something that she hadn't felt yesterday or even this morning.

Meredith Grey was unconscious, hovering near death, some would say. But there was a part of her hanging on, not because of medicine, but because she felt something. She felt something with her right now. It was black. There was no tunnel, no bright light, just a small flicker somewhere in the oblivion she faced.

But she wasn't moving toward it.

* * *

Addison sat in the trailer, not having to question where Derek was. He was, without a doubt, glued to the chair next to Meredith's bed. Addison sighed, and opened the box se had pulled from under her bed.

She looked at the photos of herself, in that sparkling white dress. Her eyes were shining, her smile was huge. And Derek, in the crisp Tom Ford for Gucci tux she'd picked for him. He was wearing a grin that matched hers as they fed each other cake.

She worked her way through the wedding photos and didn't realize that there were tears sliding down her face. At the hospital, when the numbing shock of everything that happened clouded her, she had felt noble. Now she felt foolish. This was her marriage for Christ's sakes. Could she really just throw it all away?

It occurred to her that it might not be her choice, but she was once again overcome with the fight for it feeling. She couldn't just stay her. Who cared if it wasn't her choice? She had to at least give it one last try.

* * *

Derek was filling up what felt like a hundredth cup of coffee when Cristina cleared her throat behind him. "Dr. Shepherd." She said. "Addi- Dr. Shepherd is here. She's looking for you."

She gave him a look that said plainly, _don't you dare_. He nodded. "Page me if anything changes." He told her and went to the nurses' station, and was about to ask Tyler to page his wife, but found himself staring at her.

"I need to talk to you." She said, pulling him into an empty on call room. She sat him down, and looked at him, thrusting several of the photos she found into his hands. "Look, Derek." She murmured. "Look how happy we were." She clutched his wrist. "I thought I could I just give you up, but I can't."

She looked at him. "This feeling you have for her? It will pass. Come back to New York with me. Let's really start over." As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she shouldn't have said them. She lost him a long time ago.

To the only woman who had made him cry. To the woman who quite literally, brought him to his knees. She couldn't compete with Meredith. Derek struggled for words to say, but his pager beeped, saving him. He got up, wordlessly and ran.

The interns were outside of Meredith's room when he got there. Cristina leaned against the wall right next to the door. Izzie cried silent tears onto Alex's shoulder and for a moment, Derek thought the worst, but he heard George's voice coming from the room.

"I'm gonna send Mc- Derek in now, okay?" he appeared in the doorway and looked at Derek. "If you're not ready to sign, don't go through that door." George said, stepping aside. And it was without a moment's doubt or hesitation that Derek crossed the threshold.

Her eyes focused on him, and the corners of her mouth tugged upwards in a smile. "Hi."

"Hi." He said, smiling down at her.

"So thanks you know." She said, her eyes never leaving his. "For the life saving surgery, and giving me a large bruise on my chest."

"Hey!" Derek protested with laughter in his tone. "That large chest bruise saved your life."

"But it's not going to help me attract the sexy, unmarried bachelors."

"Do you want to attract them?"

"Do I need to?" She was surprised herself by the blunt, brazen tone in her own voice. He looked uncomfortable, and she swallowed hard.

"Is this a conversation we really need to be having with you ten minutes out of a coma?"

"Derek, I need to know now. Whatever it is."

He sighed. "She wants me to go back with her. To New York." Derek said, sitting down on her bed. Meredith opened her mouth, scared now. Desperate. Ready to say anything to get him to stay, but he placed a gentle fingers to her lips, silencing her.

"Addison is New York City. She's Prada and Gucci, and an enormous brownstone. She's the Hamptons, and polo matches, and Nic and Toni's, and late night dinners at Pastis. She's brunch at the Gramercy Tavern and the New York ballet. She is clear sunny days, because the rain messes up her hair.

He was quiet for awhile. "And you," he said, pushing hair off of her face. "You're Seattle. You're sweaters and Dartmouth shirts. You're a house full of interns. You're the harbor and ferryboats and Joe's and coffee and tequila and on call rooms, and you look so beautiful when it rains."

Meredith looked him in the eyes sadly. "So it's New York or Seattle?"

He averted his eyes, fiddled with her sheets. He was uncomfortable and knowing why brought tears to her eyes. "You're a New Yorker." She quoted him. "Genetically engineered to hate anywhere but Manhattan."

"I thought I was." He said taking her hand. "But then I met you, and now I've got this thing for ferryboats."

"But are ferryboats enough?" she asked. "Because there's a lot of… baggage in Seattle. It might not be easy just to hop back on the ferryboat."

"I don't mind baggage. Or long lines. I just know that I've given my heart away. To the ferryboats. And I'm not going to get it back. New York has too many snobs, and too many taxis. I've decided I'm ready to end things. With the taxis."

Meredith bit her lip and smiled. "So when you end things, with the taxis of course, you'll actually be a sexy, unmarried bachelor."

Derek nodded. "That's very, very true, Dr. Grey."

"And you wouldn't mind a bruise on my chest?"

"Not at all." He said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips. "You're beautiful. Even bruised." She smiled, and closed her eyes, feeling tears coming to them. This was happening. This was all really happening.

And when he said she was beautiful, even bruised, she knew he meant it in the larger sense.

**Forever And A Day. One Hell Of A Racket. Keeping The Faith. The Best Laid Plans. A Tale Of Two Cities. **

**Check them out.**


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